Ive grown up completely different then how my parents wished I’d turned out. I don’t care though. I am who I am, and even though i wish things were different pretty much every single day, without them saying their meaningless shit, I wouldn’t have the same beliefs as I have. Without their closed minds, and the way they judge everybody, I wouldn’t have the open mind I have about everyone and everyones thoughts and beliefs. Having them tell me over and over again what I should be and not appreciating what I am and who I am has made me so much different, I’m so open to people and I don’t judge them by what they do and who they are because I’ve learned it can’t get you anywhere.
Even though this all sucks right now and I wish it was over, it will all be so much better i swear. None of this really counts. They doubt me, but it doesn’t matter what I have to do to finally get the fuck out, I promise I’ll do it. I won’t be like them. Once I’m out, I’m fucking out. I won’t let you control my every move like you control theirs. I don’t need your fucking money or your support or your fucking approval, I can make it by myself.
Ive already made a promise to myself, and that is once I finally start having kids, they won’t meet you. I don’t want them to love you and then hide from you and wonder why you don’t talk to them anymore. I don’t want them to ask themselves why you don’t know and love them like your supposed to. I don’t want you teaching them your stupid little religious sayings. I don’t want them to see you get upset and scream and cuss and break things, like I know Aleah’s seen. I don’t want them to hear you call my mother a fucking bitch over and over again. It won’t happen.
I can’t wait till I get older so I can finally start putting these little broken pieces of nothing into something that actually matters. Because nothing seems to matter to me anymore. I’m just waiting for the days then the weeks then the months to be done with.
Whenever I get really sad or upset, I try to remember the hard times Ive gotton myself through in the past. Then I imagine myself in the future, I don’t know or care how it happends but I do know it will all be worth it once I get there.
I know no one will read this but it feels good to be out of my system.
Cheshire cat- Lose Something? Alice- Hah-No..I-I-I I mean I was just wondering.. Cheshire cat- *singing* Alice- Why..you’re a cat. Cheshire cat- A Cheshire cat..*singing* *disappears* Alice- Oh, wait! Don’t go please! Cheshire cat- There you are. Alice- I just want to ask you which way I ought to go. Cheshire cat- Well, that depends where you want to get to. Alice- Well it really doesn’t matter, as long as I can- Cheshire cat- Then it really doesn’t matter which way you go.. *disappears* Cheshire cat- Oh by the way, if you’d really like to know.. he went that way. Alice- Who did? Cheshire cat- The white rabbit. Alice- He did!? Cheshire cat- He did what? Alice- Went that way. Cheshire cat- Who did? Alice- The white rabbit! Cheshire cat- What white rabbit? Alice- But didn’t you just say..I mean- Oh, dear. Cheshire cat- Can you stand on your head? Alice- *scolds* Cheshire cat- However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I’d ask the Mad Hatter. Alice- Mad Hatter? No..I don’t- Cheshire cat- Or there’s the March Hare in that direction. Alice- Thank you, I think I shall visit him. Cheshire cat- Oh..of course..he’s mad too. Alice- But I don’t want to go among mad people! Cheshire cat- Oh you can’t help that. Most everyone’s mad here.. Hahahahaha. You may have noticed that I’m not all there myself.. *disappears* Alice- Goodness, if the people here are like that, I must try not to upset them.